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points. Do something she dislikes & points deducted. You get no points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system …

Simple Charges
You make the bed ………………………………………. …..+ 1
You make the bed, but forget adding decorative pillows ………. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets ……………………- 1
You leave the seat up …………………………………- noise and it is something …………….+ 5
You cans it with a six iron ……………………………….+ 10
It is her father ………………………………………. .. …- 10

Your physics
You develop a noticeable potbelly pig ………..- 15
You develop a noticeable potbelly pig and exercise to get rid of it … 10
You develop a noticeable potbelly pig and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ……….- 5

Finance
You spend a lot of money on something impractical …………- 5
Something she can not use ……………….- 10
Such as a motorized model airplane …………..- 20
And she got a little machine for her birthday ………….- 40

Driving
You lost the directions on a trip …………..- 4
You lost the directions and ends with and personal ………- 25
You know them ………- 60

The "How ?"………..- 35

Communications
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, show what looks like a concerned expression …… 0
When she wants to talk, listen, for over 30 minutes ……….+ 5
her side the entire party ………. 0
You'll be by her side for a while, let to chat with a college drinking buddy ……..- 2
Named Tiffany ………………..- 4
Tiffany introduce her as "ol 'ball and chain" and pat her on the rump ……….- 5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman, and ask you if you think she is attractive, says: "Yes, but not nearly as attractive as you "…………….+ 1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but she's lousy in bed "……- 6
That woman is her sister ………………..- 90
You have a drink, and that's it ……………. 0
You have more than one pair & perform the tango with a poodle ………- 2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember that entrance, park the car ………………..+ 4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar ……………….- 2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it ….+ 3
You spend the day shopping for furniture and nap on a sectional …. 0
You spend day at a wholesale club buying in bulk ………….+ 3
Most of the chips and beer …………..- 6
You tackle a large household project like painting cave …………+ 15
Or refinishing floors ………………….+ 16
Or rewiring the basement ………………..+ 17
Or add a second floor …………….+ 18
Or create a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom trash …….- 6
And you're flattered empty on TV ……..- 3
And television is off ……………………- 6
You spend the afternoon watch college football in your underwear ………..- 6
And you do not even go to college …………..- 10
And it's not your underwear 1
Okay, it's a sports bar …………………….- 2
And it is all-you-can-eat evening ………………..- 3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team …….- 10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitarist ………+ 3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing ………………………..+ 4
If you stink ………………………..+ 2
If you are not half bad ……………………+ 5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you escorted out to much applause ………..- 2
You give her a gift …………………… 0
You give her a gift, and it is a small device ………….- 10
You give her a gift and it is not a small appliance ………..+ 1
You give her a gift and it is not chocolate ………………+ 2
You give her a gift that you will pay for 30 months ……….+
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day ……..- 10
With her credit card ……………- 30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ……….- 40

Thoughtfulness
You PAL is happily married ……………….- 4
Or frighteningly single ………………..- 7
And he drives a Mustang ………………..- 10
With a personalized license plate (gr8 N BED )……………- 15
You have a few beers ……………..- 9
And miss curfew by one hour ……………..- 12
You miss curfew by an hour and you do not call ………………..- 20
You come home at 03:00 ………………..- 30
You come home at 03:00 smelled of booze and cheap cigars ………..- 40
And not to wear no pants ………………….- 50
Is that a tattoo ??……………..- 200

Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work ……………….+ 5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late ……………..+ 10
You wait up …………………..+ lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ………..- 15

Flowers
You About the Author

Samson Akpaka is a humour writer and editor of Afrowall, http://www.afrowall.com.

Harry Cooper Turns 98